Khrystiism #42 amendment #1

A good friend and I went out for dinner and some really good beer on Friday after a few weeks of grueling back-to-school rush working at a college bookstore and we had an AWESOME great fabulous wonderful conversation. It was fantastic for both of us because neither of us had done that in a while, and both of us needed it. I know I needed it desperately.

In an email to me the next day, she suggested a concept that I think deserves to be included in the discussion of Khrystiism #42: We all need an emotional detox every so often, and one of the best tried-and-true ways to get it is to have a long talk over good food and drink with a kindred spirit and true friend.

I have a lot more to say about this (Surprised? Nah.), starting with the realization that a lot of people search out professionals to accomplish this emotional detox (psychiatrists, etc.) and it can certainly help, but it's not the same and you'll still feel like something isn't finished or that something is lacking. In the same way that there can be no substitute for real ice cream, there can be no substitute for true friendships. We are inundated every day with tons of cultural marketing that suggests that we can, but it's all avoidance of the true reality that you can't live a fake life or a half-life and feel fulfilled.

Related to that is reinforcing our own ability to listen to what we need and moderate ourselves. Self awareness and self control. If we are craving real ice cream, then hold yourself responsible for your own desires and health and have some, but don't eat the entire thing if all you want is a bite or two (there are times for eating the whole tub of ice cream with 10 different kinds of awesome toppings, of course). Healthy minds and bodies come from allowing ourselves to live IN our bodies and minds instead of some detached place next to them.

I see this as exactly the same as letting ourselves live IN our relationships with others. We encounter so many people in passing every day, but it is crucial to be present in the true friendships we have and to distinguish those from the hundreds or thousands of people we know and see regularly. It can be really scary to let people into your heart like that, and of course we've all been hurt some time or another, but we are hurt more by NOT experiencing true friendships.

And of course, that which we have to say is often exactly that which we have to learn: I know a LOT of people, and most of them only marginally, but one of my big lessons to relearn lately is to remember how important my few very close friends are to my soul (and therefore my mind and body), and to nourish those friendships by giving them more attention than I do the people I may simply see more often.

If you want an easy life, you have to do the work.